Showing posts with label about me. Show all posts
Showing posts with label about me. Show all posts

Sunday, July 15, 2012

Well, my time as a parking violations officer has come to a close, at least for the short term. Perhaps I will take up the chalkstick (for marking tires - to see if cars have moved (the town i worked in has a two-hour limit on parking spaces and the tire marks keep tabs on wether or not cars have moved...)... but i like(d) to think of the chalk mark on the tires as positive reinforcement - my hope = that motorists would see the evidence that i'd been by, and feel gratified that they'd paid the meter for good reason.

A brief aside on the two hour limit: i directly confess that i was lenient on this one - there were (many-ish) times when i declined to write tickets to vehicles apparently lingering beyond the two-hours-maximum-per-parking/space... i did this for a confluence of reasons, the main two being: 1. if the vehicles continued to purchase parking time (aka "feeding the meter")... and, 2. there were clearly available parking spaces nearby during the duration. My explanation: i could not justify, even knowing that this a county ordinance AND knowing that this was my job, writing individuals tickets for not going to the (and this is why) belittling lengths to leave work, shopping, dinner, friends (this is why people come to town!) to get into their car and drive around (often not far) simply to drop it in another space (as close as luck allows) to where they just were. Also, i KNOW some people OFTEN wiped the marks off their tires (it wouldn't feel right ignoring that and noticing a more honest, if less lawful approach). So, in a way, the 2-hr thing just wasn't "my trip," and I'm glad i survived. *One of my co-workers took this part of the job so seriously that tire-wipers were often threatened with the police being called on them for plying their slyness... not that my-coworker didn't get the really infuriating ones anyway, simply by marking less conspicuous areas, often on another tire... again, to each as they must.

Anyway... continuing, yet detouring for one more point along the way...i WOULD write these "Beyond Legal Limit" (two hours, outlined above) citations to vehicles that were simply "abandoned" for the day - vehicles which had no legitimate parking time purchased, and also remained unmoved longer than two hours. ..and i would write one every two hours to that same vehicle as long as it remained so. Don't park like that. It gets costly.

By the end (Now), my bosses had never complained about my work/productivity, and I left the job with an open invitation to return. I am thankful for that, and I just might return some day; I really enjoyed working outdoors, being able to listen to podcasts&music (at a safe volume, and courteously and attentively, of course), as well as not having someone constantly asking me about my "progress" - they get a report of my work every day, and that should be sufficient supplement to our interactions in the office...as, apparently, it was.

Soooooooo.....

For Now, until November 2012, my "employment" will be various farm- and fiber (yarn, etc..) production- related tasks at a small operation in the National Forest areas of middle Pennsylvania. I will be living in a cabin without running water or electricity. Quite a difference, and exciting. This begins in 4 weeks. Until then, I will be readying myself for the move, trying to sell many of the material goods i've been using and caring for for the past 4 years, and having some quality time with my pals across the land.

I'll leave you now, for a period, with one of the last notes I collected from my parking duties. Preface: as you, dear reader, may already be aware, in many cities parking time is dispensed from a kiosk located somewhere (hopefully) near parking, rather than each space hosting a specific parking meter. This is generally favored by parkers as coins aren't necessary - parking can be paid for with credit/debit and paper money, in addition to coins (*including half and whole dollar pieces - foreign coin not yet accepted). In my city, a parking credit is then dispensed on a little sheet of paper which the motorist puts upon the dashboard or behind a windshield wiper. Ok. Check. BUT...sometimes the machine malfunctions: it could be that the machine's out of paper, or the modem connection is severed, the machine's jammed, full, vandalized, etc... sometimes it just doesn't work for mysterious reasons. But, most of the time, it works. Ok. So, below is a note I watched a guy write from down the block. I watched him post it and return to his vehicle. I then made my way down the block expecting him to engage me in discussion, which he did, whereupon he surprised me by having a voice which I could not derive meaning from; he spoke my native language, English, but with a regional accent that would've made his speech difficult to interpret had he not also had the rasp of a lifelong smoker which made all intelligibility completely lost. His voice sounded like scraping stones together, and little more or less. After some time of him talking and pointing towards the kiosk with a frustrated tone and facial expressions, i simply pointed to his car and said: "Sorry. This car parks for free." When I got down to the kiosk i checked out his note, and I liked it so much that I brought it home for all of us, leaving, of course, a note on official stationary (ticket envelope) referring perturbed parkers to another kiosk across the street, with sincere apologies (shoot, i ain't working all night (trying to help em out)).

Ok, here it is.

* I love the illuminated first letter; the variety of script, print, and lower and upper case letters; little "ing" in "takeing"; the "i'v" spelling (which is apparently acceptable according to my spellchecker); the subject-verb disagreement; and the implied paranoia (the machine won't take money if it's not working - it blocks the coin slot, spits bills back out, won't run a card, and clearly states on the digital display that the machine is not working, and sorry for the trouble.)



A great final specimen. Reveals so much about most (after 2 years of this job, i stand by this claim) peoples' relationship with parking.

It does, however, have something (i feel is very special, and deep to suggest): it implies a question that I might never have been able to ponder/suggest had it not been through this avenue, and the question is: how much of one's inclination to hyperbole/willingness to embellish/"lie" is inspired by difficulties in rudimentary communication?


As usual, always lots to consider.


To paraphrase Gandhi on the way out for a bit, let's remember that each of us CAN "be the change we wish to see."



Thanks friends!

TWYS (talk/type with ya soon)
-2461p

Be well. In joy.

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Hall of Shame Archive

maybe i'm an asshole. (meter attendant/ticket writer!) - (sometimes, it's just SO tedious (i'll spare you the extra Os - see, i am tired. ;jaded, (tired.).

it has become necessary to have a Hall of Shame archive. (and i can't even get everything that ticks me off on here!) HA!

start with a story.

story (true story): a middle-aged man parked his van on the grass strip between the sidewalk and the street (on the curb) *(the first guy i saw do this was older - i've worked here 21 months - two people have pulled this shit, and they both battled it out with me verbally - the second guy - the van guy (the first, older guy had a white pick-up truck - of course - pretty sure there's a confederate flag and a jesus fish on the truck... [takes an asshole to know one?!! - well, we're definitely different kinds of assholes, a little - i think confederate flags, and jesus fish are lame, most of the time. i can dig the occasional jesus fish, but mostly, i don't usually like the people who have them on their cars...

you following? the gist is this: both of these sidewalkgrass parking stinkbags (lol - i'm really trying to grump it up) - these poo-ponys; these slimesuckers, rot-breathers, etc... BOTH battled it out with me, like they should be able to park there - the first, confederate lavaeater said it was private property (i had to check with a lawyer and get back to him - "infringement of public right of way" (all i could say before checking was "this doesn't look right to me." (lol.)

and the second guy was way more annoying - he was mocking me - literally repeating what i said, except in a really annoying whiny voice, and as he sped off (seriously!) his bratty niece (they were working on opening up a shop) sassed me: "you don't have to act like it's the end of the world!" - i was pissed, honestly, cause i never even thought it was EVEN CLOSE to the end of the world. so i said to her: "i know it's not the end of the world - that's why i came to tell you to move the car." (i'm not bragging about the retort - it's just obvious...i think).

this second incident did get me to thinking though (when stuff like this happens, as detached as i feel about the necessity of holding on to the job, or getting really serious/bent out of shape about conflicts, when conflicts do occur (especially heated ones, like these and a few other kinds), my heart really does get to racing, and it's disruptive of a certain level of peace i tend to exist in - so this gets me to thinking about habits of anger - we can easily succumb to this, in many different ways ("Presidency," "Campaigning" ?!?!?!?!?! !!!! OIL??!!!! GREEN ENERGY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)  


it is up to us to be honest with our loved ones. but we must first be honest with ourselves/ "God." - meditate. be-alive in your Love (joy)! - 
"You cannot EARN the Grace." -Martin Luther (paraphrase)
"BE the change you wish to see." - Gandhi (paraphrase)


anger is poison.


Love boldly.


i guess this explains the Hall of Shame, actually - I (capital) must state honestly that certain things offend me. I needen't punish. My responsibility is to heal the pain - to take it lightly, to coax humor into the scene.

PRESENTA!!!!!!


HALLLLLLLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSHAME! (official) ;)
Feb. 13, 2012. yuck.

4.27.2012. I'm ASSUMING this is more about no-love-for than fetishism.



Saturday, March 17, 2012

Let the Music Make "Me" // ("double wiggly fence")

oh wow
how much space
will it take
it to make it,
anxiety.
----

this is the unfolding of a post i've "owed" - you see,
there's something i mean to make.
job loss be damned,
i aim to come clean
no " (say "quote")
ly
. ("dot")
stop on it.
------
quip.

what i've meant to tell you
has taken millennia:

the red-dotted line disappears though,
PLUS,

what's hidden is My massage.
(pun intended,
but You don't get it, with a capital
"quote unquote"
...
descended (eye)
----.

the silence,


remind me that i^
"job loss be damned,"
heard the mEssage I made earlier:

the Subjective's effort
to comply; to adhere
entertain, be clear, and intriguing -
a tad bit of mystery
while Saying,

the only way i can is through "Myself"
referred to earlier:

for Me,
a stoned prayer during Yog(a)nanda
et cetera,
and referral
to Me
and Weed (marihuana)
-----

In 2004, the United Nations estimated that global consumption of cannabis indicated that approximately 4.0 percent of the adult world population (162 million people) used cannabis annually, and that approximately 0.6 percent (22.5 million) of people used cannabis daily.[7]


----
oh, 
font of affiliaton,
i mustn't discredit 
whatever


--


these are things i've thought, parking job-related:


1. those purple mesh shorts are so tight against that dude's body i can see his tightie-whitey'd asscurve through the holes his girth spreads..


2. man, all these peeps should talk with their passengers (adolescents, usually), instead of letting them listen to whatever in those earbuds (headphones) - though i once saw this girl fuckin jamming out in the car with her mom. this girl was dancin up a storm in that seat and the mom was all just like "do de do do..i'm fuckin drivin'." :)


3.
LOVE


⧜⧝⧞⧟⧠⧡⧢⧣⧤⧥





Wednesday, February 15, 2012

"I gotta pee pee"

January 30, 2012. There was no time on the meter, but I let this one slide because it made me laugh... and I believed it was true.

Hall of Shame

I've seen this open Bible on the dashboard of this car several times, and often the car is in a state of malparkage (tip of the hat to The Simpsons - my favorite show). The book is positioned so I can read it easily, but I never know which verse is the one I'm supposed to heed! Is it Psalm 51? Here's verse 1: "Have mercy on me, O God, according to Your steadfast love: according to the multitude of Your tender mercy and loving-kindness blot out my transgressions." Hmmm... I can see an angle there. But it could be Psalm 52! (Verse 1: "Why boast you of mischief done against the loving-kindness of God [and the godly], O mighty [sinful] man, day after day?") It's like someones are TRYING to confuse me..

I don't care if your NAME is Kmart, this is just dumb.

Laws are offensive.



Proof that there really is a Garfield.

The ubiquitous "tumbleweave." The elastic band makes this a rarer specimen.

Just put your lips on the body like this... (the "news" is offensive, too). *i was only inside for a minute, boss.

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

"The Worst Comic Ever"

While I will not claim to -like- parking meters, I can admit that there is something compelling about them - perhaps it's their status as one of urbanity's most loathed inanimate objects, or perchance it is their precocious behavior, maybe even it could be their mischievous sense of humor (so many shockingly-interrupted pedestrians!)... or might it just be how closely they, in their dutiful glamourlessness, remind me of so many people I love - just a bit too sincere to excite the masses, and mostly too modest to object.. Whatever it is, and for one reason or another, I've developed a soft spot for them - so much so that they've begun to appear anthropomorphized in my sappy comix. Consider for example "The Worst Comic Ever," drawn, by me, on January 6, 2012:


terrible. ( :

"Bumperstickers" (and the -ish) Archive

I don't know why the archives thing took so long to conceive. Stickers is a great one, too! There are a lot of inspired people out there, and I aim to share their feelings with you, as they have shared them with many a seeing passerby ('cept when i think their feelings are lame, i will snidely heckle their sticker choices here). For uncertain benefit. *If you dig this post, be sure to click on the "stickers" label at the end (or on the right sidebar) to see earlier posts of the like - there are a few great ones that need be viewed, such as the now oft-quoted "the meek shall inherit the earth/the rest of us are going to the stars!" awesome.


I find this super lame. (December 30, 2011)

This is what i likes. Homemade MTV is Fake is the first nomination for the Bumpersticker of the Year 2012 award. Vote on the sidebar to the right! (January 1, 2012)


I love this one too. (January 6, 2012)
Feb. 27, 2012. I be-alive we will get what we want through "Time's alchemy." It's like the metaphor of the field (I heard of this via Eckhart Tolle (paraphrasing)): "there's a barren field, a fertile seed flies in and grows into a flower, at first it's just the lone flower, but that flower releases more seeds - the next year there are a few more flowers, which in turn release seeds which become flowers - eventually the field is half flowers, then more than half, and so on.." Of course, this metaphor perhaps needs to be supplemented with the caution that we be flowers, not weeds. In order to make ourselves flowers, I recommend meditation. We must find and experience beauty firsthand, else we're susceptible to assimilating and perpetuating ideas outdated and/"or" counterproductive. I be-alive in us.

Feb. 27, 2012. This is why.

Thursday, December 29, 2011

Catching Up!: Notes/Memoirs/Litters


The way i'm gonna do this (transcribe these) is: i'll type exactly what the handwriting looks like to me, then, when necessary, follow confusing bits with my best guesses at translation within brackets. For example, the first note contains handwriting that looks to me like it says "Af Leo" so i will write that, but it will be followed by [After]. Get it? Good. Finally, in the interest of readability, I will embolden (is that a word?) what i perceive is the gist of the narrative.

1:

 

"(I've) Af Leo [After] completing ties [the] Exposing Phase & Concludeing realizeing [realizing] in a ferain/ fret will go to rear woarerdl lengtus to keep from working [?] toseter [together] & coming up to // that remaining loyal + absolutely refusing to give up on Phamily & Phriends this makes me soceting [something] that I denied for 25 years: A Damn Fool! // By takeing [taking] full adventsege [advantage] of unEmployment I Experinced [experienced] the Exposing Phase"

my thoughts: someone put someone up to this, but i hope it helps. lives can be pretty tough. (((good vibes)))

2:

 

*before you get started, i'll let you know that this one gets a "bawdy materials" tag. love poetry on receipt paper. yay! (i'm just gonna transcribe as written as it's followable)

"I stretch out beside you in bed
I try to rest but their is too much
Chaos in my head
I can smell you, and feel
Your bodies heat
I want to lick you from
Your head to your feet
I want to stare into your
eyes as you work between my
   thys."


so 17th century.

Dogs in Cars (Archive)

I'm diggin the idea of collections (not money - though we do, so watch out)/archives. Here's Dogs in Cars: one of my favorites!

Buddy (December 8, 2011)

Hmmm.. I'll do better. (Dec. 17, 2011)

Cuties (see!) (Dec. 17, 2011)

I am the "Ghost," after all... :) (inside joke). This dog didn't bark - a very sweet pup. (Dec. 19, 2011)

Good dog. Bad dog owner? (Dec. 19, 2011)

Mean as hell poodle, foaming with rage. I ticketed this car, too. (Ha! - perhaps I did take a little pleasure in it..)
(Dec. 20, 2011)

Awww... (Dec. 29, 2011)

YIKES!!! (Dec. 29, 2011)

December 30, 2011

December 30, 2011 *most dogs in cars don't like me (2461p)

January 6, 2012

January 7, 2012

January 7, 2012 - day of sweet doggies

HA! - January 9, 2012

DOGS IN CARS DON'T LIKE ME! - January 10, 2012

Feb. 8, 2012. I looked at this dog for so long that the car/dog "owner" came back before I wrote the (deserved) ticket. Good boy!

Feb. 9, 2012. Sneaks McPensivepants

HALL OF FAME!!!!! - Feb. 15, 2012. This dog wins! I promise that by the time I got within 15 feet of this car this pooch started wagging his tail (and body) (click on this image to see a bigger version and look at that face!!!!) so hard that it SET OFF THE CAR ALARM! If I hadn't met my lover on the job, this event would be the best thing yet that's happened in my tenure as "meter butler." I love this dog. (He paused for a second when the alarm started going off, like he'd sort of registered that he may've done it, but barely skipped a beat - squintin them eyes, waggin away. Yes. !
Feb. 17, 2012

Feb. 17, 2012

Feb. 21, 2012



May 24, 2012






Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Occupy Wall St./Grains of Sand

There's an Occupy Wall St. function happening downtown. I just got back from checking in with them on my way home from some friends' place. I didn't really want to go as I wasn't (and still am not, as i've not yet read the nice pamphlet i received) sure what they're all about, and I don't want to go all willy-nilly just joining up, underinformed, in demonstrations (i'd protest that technique!). Really, I felt compelled to check in because I was afraid that there might be some angry person, holding a sign in the cold nighttime rain, motivated mostly by rage and a feeling of insignificance in the world, and I couldn't just drive by without making the effort to get in there and offer companionship, a hand, an ear, some conversation - whatever made sense and felt like neighborly love, when I got there.

I'm happy to report that OF THE 10 PEOPLE STANDING IN SOLIDARITY, ALL SEEMED TO BE CALM - CHEERFUL, EVEN: I see this as agreeable evidence for the Franklian hypothesis that working for a purpose is what makes a life happy/rich; The Occupiers seem to've found VOICE AND COMMUNITY in their efforts, and their good spirits and smiles, bright through the cold rain of the evening, suggest that this camaraderie really is more satisfying and motivating than greed (as evidenced through their enjoyment of their companions, in preference to bitter singularity of mind about the injustice of the situation that spurred them.)

Bless them, they're rich. How well do they know it?

There was another hard problem brought to light as well - those riding by in new trucks and luxury sedans, persons whose youth betrays their ability to've "earned" and purchased these vehicles through "jobs" they've worked themselves (probably), yelling things like "Capitalism!" ("rocks" is implied, i guess) and "Get a job!". Thankfully, there weren't many of these Jokers (to borrow a friend's euphemism), but they are a relevant part of the scene. For utilitarian reasons, i hope they felt dumb and confused when they heard what they'd barked, but I'm not angry with them, as chances are they "know little what they do," and hopefully the confusion as to why the antagonism didn't fill their hearts with satisfaction will inspire them to search their souls for a harmonic answer. In attempt to be a good neighbor/blogger, I'll explain why the heckle is unfulfilling, in case anyone reading is interested: THE FACT THAT THE HECKLE "GET A JOB" OCCURRED PROVES THAT THE PERSON BEING HECKLED IS DOING A JOB: the job is raising awareness, and the heckle wouldn't've occurred if awareness hadn't been raised. Simple. Yet elusive nonetheless. This is why that heckle can't be satisfying - it's delusion. 

If we follow this line a little further, we also come upon this gem (which eventually ends up diluting Occupy's cause, which I'll treat a bit later in this post): work is seen to necessitate attention to its purpose, generally thought of as the result of a task's completion. To complete a task, one must become acquainted with the spiritual aspect of work - judgement - actions are determined to be more or less beneficial to the present goal and choices are made about what to pursue and what to avoid. It is at this stage of judgement that something very subtle and magical happens, something that can often go long unnoticed: a doubling-back to contemplation of the purpose of the work requires a value judgement of the purpose of the WORK ITSELF, not as an end to be met, BUT AS AN IMPORTANT AND MEANINGFUL SET OF ACTIONS TO PERFORM. Yes, these actions are often motivated by end goals but, to achieve any end, we must accept the means; Simply put: THE QUIET MEANING OF WORK IS TO TEACH US WHAT WE CONSIDER VALUABLE AND WORTHWHILE WAYS TO SPEND OUR TIME: we learn, to borrow another common phrase: "how far we're willing to go," and how close those lengths are to our psyches.

Hence, we experience a taste of spiritual awareness in this quest for compatibility of desire and action. As this awareness develops, the same technique used to evaluate the efficiency of accomplishing work is applied to personal concepts not often thought of as "work," like Ethics or diet, and a sense of Self coheres, as does, eventually, a sense of Other I beyond which little else is desired than what is needed to survive (all action at this point becomes a sort of Art). What is desired beyond peace can only be greed. Peace is the end to which all activity strives - be it an antagonistic heckle, or a prolonged struggle for an end to human rights abuses of others. Greed, in itself need not be feared however - the desire which inspires greed is an innate human characteristic, responsible for many of the "good" works done in the world - when the greed is for communication.

So I believe in the right for people to assemble and discuss - even "hate groups," because honesty is the only way to come to Presence with/for oneself, and become alive, and become involved. The dead don't negotiate, and neither does "karma" (Mystery), so this is really an individual-mental-health-peace issue. (This motion/area is something i'm VERY interested in, as it relates to perception/faith/feelings/ALL: my heartmind tells me that this area is the home of God - the general vicinity where people learn to "let go"/to "trust"/be faithful/relinquish the obsession of judging others; this is the place where salvation is born to be nurtured (as Art/Life), or where a soul and journey freeze (Dante, anyone?).

Ok...

All that said, I do find Wall St. is sketchy: mostly because I am skeptical of interest rates, imaginary money, and other things like that - I've watched the Zeitgeist movies (which are quite thought-provoking/mind-blowing, see: long segment about moneyshort segment about money); I also STRONGLY AGREE WITH THIS ARTICLE which coherently explains why "HORMONALLY-DRIVEN YOUNG MEN SHOULD NOT BE LEFT ALONE IN CHARGE OF OUR FINANCES".

Yet, not only despite but, in my view, because of these troubling situations, I'M FAITHFUL THAT OUR GLOBAL SOCIETY IS ALWAYS MOVING TOWARD SUSTAINABILITY, RESPECTFULNESS, AND PEACE. (I like to think of society as a marble sculpture in progress).

-

I'm glad i went, and now MUST get to bed. Tired. Work in the morning. Sorry if it's a little sloppy, but i think it'll do (this post, and maybe my work tomorrow, too :P)

Best wishes, friends.
(*this is parking-related because i talked about work with a homeless guy i see around a lot while i was down there, AND the demonstration is basically in my office, assuming i have an office. if i do, the demonstration's there.)

Good night. Sweet dreams.
Good morning. Be you. And be sweet if possible. We're delicate.
Oh, the grains of sand: Gandhi said that a even a grain of sand can stop the mightiest machine, if there are enough of them (or something like that - it's inspiring for me, and it seems to apply).
:)
 "there can be no social change without spiritual change first" - swami vivekananda


Thursday, October 6, 2011

Gun/Communication/Karma - A Story/Editorial

I boot cars. When someone owes the company I work for, it occasionally becomes my duty to secure their vehicle by tightening a large metal clamp on its (usually back right - so the motorist can see it before hurriedly trying to drive off) tire. Putting the boot on is usually a bit stressful because my co-workers generally want me to "lock it down" quickly, but, to me, the putting on's actually less stress-inducing than the taking off, as sometimes the removal features a person (or, people) waiting for me with the mean type of fire in their hearts. (To be fair - and this surprised me - THE VAST MAJORITY of those who are waiting for me are VERY NICE. THANK YOU, THOSE PEOPLE!!)

Also in the interest of fairness: I think the clerks have it harder than I when it comes to dealing with negligent/defiant motorists (*if you've been booted, there's a VERY GOOD CHANCE IT'S ENTIRELY YOUR FAULT ("pobody's nerfect" though)), as people tend to (correctly) perceive that it makes more sense to harass those who are collecting the money, and not the hired, semi-stupid, sneaky muscle (that's me). Get it? Ok, moving on: People harass the cashiers (paying hundreds of dollars of fines in pennies, for example (*this is stupid unless the penny antagonist also has a handtruck, which tends not to usually be the case)), or in the case of this post specifically, by making vague comments about a "gun in the truck."

Ok. So this motorist gets booted, then while paying, makes comments about a gun in his truck. Subsequently, a clerk calls me to take the boot off, never mentioning the gun comment(s). Then, as i'm walking to the truck to take the boot off, another clerk is going home and mentions that the truck owner is "crazy" and "said something about a gun in his truck," and that i should be "careful" that he doesn't "try to run me over...or something." (I'm not sure why the cashier on the phone didn't mention this to me before sending me to remove the boot, or why the police weren't called for what seems to be a pretty clear threat, but that's not really the point of This story). So I continue my task of taking the boot off, but with a bit more enthusiasm. The motorist never shows up while I'm doing the work though, and I am thankful.

BUT..

While I'm carrying the boot back its storage location, I notice someone walking in my direction with a maniacal look on his face, but there are lots of weird people in this town and I hate to assume the worst...but we make eye contact. Also at this time, off on a perpendicular street (which the maniacally-faced person can't see due to a building obstructing his view), I see two of my co-workers acting silly about something related to their own amusement; it makes me grin a good bit, and I turn in their direction, as it is also the direction of boot storage. Manic averted. Yet not: I've walked down the street a ways, and I hear someone call out behind me. I turn to look and the maniacal-looking gentleman sneers: "you love that shit don't you?!" I, genuinely confused for a moment as to who this guy is, and what he's referring to (people joking around nearby? proximate attractive females? my looking like a thug carrying a car boot down a busy sidewalk? my booting a car directly in front of our office? my getting away unshot/unrunover? his weird face?), I just don't know, so I inquire: "what?" He repeats himself. Still too stupid to ask him to BE SPECIFIC, I smile again...and shrug.

Wrong. Especially considering that shortly thereafter I discover that Manic-face is indeed the "crazy" person who claims to have a weapon handy. Boo.

He left without shooting me, but I'm left wondering if he's put me on some list of people to kill at a convenient future opportunity. He certainly knows what I look like, and perhaps ASSUMES that I think he's a loser and I loved booting his car. Which is MOSTLY UNTRUE. I got scared thinking about this, and got mad at myself for again failing to do something that could've turned miscommunication into peace with a little more wisdom (?) and effort (yes) on my part. I accept that I can't know everything at all times, but I certainly do want to learn how to cultivate PEACE - FOR ALL. Or, at least, as many as will accept it. And I was sorta bummed that I missed an opportunity to make something tough into something fluid, with as little effort as is needed to sincerely ask someone what they are getting at.

So that got me thinking about KARMA. (I'll do a whole post about karma soon, as a lot of people ask me about it while I'm involved in my duties (ex: "don't you think this job is bad karma?" short answer: "no." (i'll explain more later.))

This is what I mean to include here: Ok, so say this guy shoots me, and I die, or am injured. True, I don't request this, but if I let fear ruin my day or my future, he doesn't win, but I do lose: I lose my life, my freedom, my faith, my enthusiasm, etc.. (A related adage I like goes: "The inability to forgive is a poison one takes in the hope that someone else will die." - via Seane Corn's On Being interview). This is really interesting to me because fear itself is so tricky. Sometimes so tricky that frightened people don't even know they're scared at all - a pretty quick example being jealousy or anger - those are both iterations of fear. And when fear is Real, and poignant, it IS INTENSE, and one of the most difficult things in human experience to acknowledge and LET GO, which is why it's so PHENOMENALLY TRANSFORMATIVE to accept fear, and, as an act of faith and+or defiance, to relinquish the desire to "control" "my" (subject) life.

I believe fear is the mode through which most oppressions work - and most interesting to me, the subtle, self-perpetuating moral oppressions conjured through dogmas based on the existence of Hell as a place of eternal damnation, or any kind of other karmic punishment resulting from "bad" deeds. This kind of fear incites a physiological reaction, but is often indoctrinated into the consciousness so early in the subject's life that the subject can't imagine living without it; time and living numb the violence of it, and the doctrine takes on the character of Absolute Truth - granting ideas for which there is NO EVIDENCE some divine authority. This troubles me greatly, as it seems to prevent sincere personal spiritual growth; The deeply-indoctrinated subject need only think of rejecting Hell or the caste system to feel how effectively these techniques operate - those who are terrified by a thought are not free.

 (I am interested in the physiological aspects/impetus of spiritual development and would like to briefly mention for consideration (and as, in my opinion, an admirable ritual), the Shamanic practice of inducing the fear state through potent chemicals in order to recreate and experience the changed mental state and perceptions that come with the increased heart rate and sensual acuity also characteristic of immediate fear. The key difference here though is that the Shamans do this consensually, and as a means of growing (rather than constricting) their union with Holiness/"God"/Spirits - they electively walk into the proverbial lion's jaws, relinquishing control of their perceptions, in order to hear the divine instructions with less interference from society and ego.)

What i'm trying to do is show how unaware we can be of our fear on a day-to-day basis. In this story, anything could happen, and chances are this guy isn't really going to flip out and shoot me, despite that possibility (thanks!), yet I still felt a strong fear that rather than inspiring me to let go, instead inspired me to hold on tighter to "my" life, contradiction that that is, for some intense moments.

I am trying, daily, to realize that Karma/God(')(s)(') plan (to me, they're pretty much the same thing (more on that later)) entails more than I'll ever be able to comprehend (perhaps I can appreciate its quality, but not its quantity); It's reassuring to accept that no matter what, everything in it's right place.

If I'm hung up on "my" life and "my" desires and what's "fair," then I'll spend my life unfulfilled (I just can't seem to get enough!), but if I can just learn that i'll never see the whole picture at once, then I can really start to enjoy the details around me now.

I don't want to give my life away by being preoccupied with controlling it.

Hallelujah

"Beau Online"

I really like this note-to-self:



I found this at a hoity-toity (sp?) function. The mayor spoke. People wore suits. This was on the ground. One of my favorites ever.

Inside Informations: Christ the Bar Person's Invoice

I've often wondered about the workings of the booze business, both local and worldwide. Human civiliation's most endorsed (and by far highest grossing, at almost $1.2 trillion in 2008: source) form of self-medication ("entertainment") seems to many (including myself) "recession-proof" (pun intended?). I haven't gone to the trouble to investigate whether "recession" (we're all aware that the G/B (Government/Business) manipulates cash flow, yes?: video explanation) actually decreases sales or not, but i'm sure if you're interested you can find some stuff on the Internet.

Anyway, I did find this invoice on the ground. Beneath the pic, I'll just mention a few interesting things I learned from perusing it. (You can click all images on this blog to enlarge them) (*I do edit these images in order to remove information that may identify the location of my work, mostly out of respect for my company and neighbors, to tell true. I like a privacy-y tact).


1. This bar owner's first name is, apparently, "Christ" (top left). If that's not a computer shortening, well...holy this person!

2. Net bottle cost (with discount, I believe) of the liter of vodka purchased here is $5.31, which at 64 ounces conservatively equals 30 drinks (accounting for spillage and moderate employee "mis"/use, at an average pour rate of 1.5-2 oz per drink). Further, conservatively estimating that a vodka drink costs $2.75 (though I believe it is probably more like $3.25 or higher as this is a "nice"(ish) place, but probably still does happy hour things), then the (conservatively low) average gross profit from each bottle is $77.19 (2.75x30=82.5-5.31=77.19) (at 3.25 per drink it's $92.19). These are low estimates. And people still have to get paid their servers'/bartenders' (criminally low?) wage of probably less than $3/hour.. All this math goes to show that booze=$$$ - as long as you're the one selling it. (Question: how much is the distributor paying?! Another question: How much is the manufacturer making?! It's nuts! It hurts my brain. If I cared more it probably wouldn't. Things to think about nonetheless.)

Friday, August 26, 2011

Introduction

I've been thinking about this blog for a little while now - since a pleasant Saturday morning in early June of 2011, to be exact. To be even more exact, since the moment a half-eaten cheeseburger resting on a windowsill, clearly forgotten or discarded in the excitement of the previous evening, cheered me out of the working-early-on-a-Saturday blues.





(Above is a photo i took of the cheeseburger. It most likely belonged to one of a small percentage of college students remaining in town for the summer, as it was left on the sill of a notoriously student-only apartment building.)


Let me explain: you see, i pay my modest rent by walking around (in a very specific (and often predictable) way) amongst the hybrids, gas guzzlers, mopeds, delivery trucks, etc.. of university students, shoppers, shopkeepers, waiters, architects, tattoo artists, construction workers, liquor deliverers, real estate tycoons, and city officials in the small-to-medium-sized town where i live, checking to see that each (most) have paid the bureaucratically agreed-upon rent to park their vehicles, and that they have parked them properly, on a piece of "public" space designated for such purpose. In the event of negligence regarding these agreements, it falls to me to remind the drivers of offending vehicles of which breach in the aforementioned social contract applies to the parking instance observed, by way of legal notice (of monetary reprimand). In some cases it is also my assigned task to record (with crappy camera in addition to my hands) infractions of a far more costly set, such as vehicle blocking access to fire hydrant, vehicle parked in commercial loading zone, or vehicle parked in handicapped spot without appropriate symbolic permission, etc... The reasons for these bold and risky choices are myriad, and in time, i will share some of my favorites with you. Often, however, coffee is involved.

I'm in the Eastern Time Zone, USA, and i believe that this public accountability is necessary. I also approve of the responsible use of some currently illegal substances.



Fast forward almost three months to today, August 26, 2011 (see timestamp for confirmation): while performing my employee duties (further personal reflection on the depth (karmic, civic, and otherwise) of these duties in coming posts), i noticed a tattered notecard with some handwriting and a large red mark on it in a lightly-trafficked intersection. Always a sucker for a handwritten note (and with the bonus red strike getting me more excited), i retrieved and perused the lost reminder. I generally, albeit barely, expect to see some kind of scientific or mathematical formula on something of this shape, but this time i was startled to find that the card contained two bawdy jokes at the expense of lesbians. Quite a surprise! Neither were terribly amusing, but in light of this new information, the bold red slash became hilarious to me, as if someone had thought: "...not this one after all."

"Madam speaker, members of the congress, i ask you - how's the best way to spot a butch?"



(The general consensus is that the slashed joke is funnier.) Perhaps the slash indicates "already used."