Sunday, July 15, 2012

Well, my time as a parking violations officer has come to a close, at least for the short term. Perhaps I will take up the chalkstick (for marking tires - to see if cars have moved (the town i worked in has a two-hour limit on parking spaces and the tire marks keep tabs on wether or not cars have moved...)... but i like(d) to think of the chalk mark on the tires as positive reinforcement - my hope = that motorists would see the evidence that i'd been by, and feel gratified that they'd paid the meter for good reason.

A brief aside on the two hour limit: i directly confess that i was lenient on this one - there were (many-ish) times when i declined to write tickets to vehicles apparently lingering beyond the two-hours-maximum-per-parking/space... i did this for a confluence of reasons, the main two being: 1. if the vehicles continued to purchase parking time (aka "feeding the meter")... and, 2. there were clearly available parking spaces nearby during the duration. My explanation: i could not justify, even knowing that this a county ordinance AND knowing that this was my job, writing individuals tickets for not going to the (and this is why) belittling lengths to leave work, shopping, dinner, friends (this is why people come to town!) to get into their car and drive around (often not far) simply to drop it in another space (as close as luck allows) to where they just were. Also, i KNOW some people OFTEN wiped the marks off their tires (it wouldn't feel right ignoring that and noticing a more honest, if less lawful approach). So, in a way, the 2-hr thing just wasn't "my trip," and I'm glad i survived. *One of my co-workers took this part of the job so seriously that tire-wipers were often threatened with the police being called on them for plying their slyness... not that my-coworker didn't get the really infuriating ones anyway, simply by marking less conspicuous areas, often on another tire... again, to each as they must.

Anyway... continuing, yet detouring for one more point along the way...i WOULD write these "Beyond Legal Limit" (two hours, outlined above) citations to vehicles that were simply "abandoned" for the day - vehicles which had no legitimate parking time purchased, and also remained unmoved longer than two hours. ..and i would write one every two hours to that same vehicle as long as it remained so. Don't park like that. It gets costly.

By the end (Now), my bosses had never complained about my work/productivity, and I left the job with an open invitation to return. I am thankful for that, and I just might return some day; I really enjoyed working outdoors, being able to listen to podcasts&music (at a safe volume, and courteously and attentively, of course), as well as not having someone constantly asking me about my "progress" - they get a report of my work every day, and that should be sufficient supplement to our interactions in the, apparently, it was.


For Now, until November 2012, my "employment" will be various farm- and fiber (yarn, etc..) production- related tasks at a small operation in the National Forest areas of middle Pennsylvania. I will be living in a cabin without running water or electricity. Quite a difference, and exciting. This begins in 4 weeks. Until then, I will be readying myself for the move, trying to sell many of the material goods i've been using and caring for for the past 4 years, and having some quality time with my pals across the land.

I'll leave you now, for a period, with one of the last notes I collected from my parking duties. Preface: as you, dear reader, may already be aware, in many cities parking time is dispensed from a kiosk located somewhere (hopefully) near parking, rather than each space hosting a specific parking meter. This is generally favored by parkers as coins aren't necessary - parking can be paid for with credit/debit and paper money, in addition to coins (*including half and whole dollar pieces - foreign coin not yet accepted). In my city, a parking credit is then dispensed on a little sheet of paper which the motorist puts upon the dashboard or behind a windshield wiper. Ok. Check. BUT...sometimes the machine malfunctions: it could be that the machine's out of paper, or the modem connection is severed, the machine's jammed, full, vandalized, etc... sometimes it just doesn't work for mysterious reasons. But, most of the time, it works. Ok. So, below is a note I watched a guy write from down the block. I watched him post it and return to his vehicle. I then made my way down the block expecting him to engage me in discussion, which he did, whereupon he surprised me by having a voice which I could not derive meaning from; he spoke my native language, English, but with a regional accent that would've made his speech difficult to interpret had he not also had the rasp of a lifelong smoker which made all intelligibility completely lost. His voice sounded like scraping stones together, and little more or less. After some time of him talking and pointing towards the kiosk with a frustrated tone and facial expressions, i simply pointed to his car and said: "Sorry. This car parks for free." When I got down to the kiosk i checked out his note, and I liked it so much that I brought it home for all of us, leaving, of course, a note on official stationary (ticket envelope) referring perturbed parkers to another kiosk across the street, with sincere apologies (shoot, i ain't working all night (trying to help em out)).

Ok, here it is.

* I love the illuminated first letter; the variety of script, print, and lower and upper case letters; little "ing" in "takeing"; the "i'v" spelling (which is apparently acceptable according to my spellchecker); the subject-verb disagreement; and the implied paranoia (the machine won't take money if it's not working - it blocks the coin slot, spits bills back out, won't run a card, and clearly states on the digital display that the machine is not working, and sorry for the trouble.)

A great final specimen. Reveals so much about most (after 2 years of this job, i stand by this claim) peoples' relationship with parking.

It does, however, have something (i feel is very special, and deep to suggest): it implies a question that I might never have been able to ponder/suggest had it not been through this avenue, and the question is: how much of one's inclination to hyperbole/willingness to embellish/"lie" is inspired by difficulties in rudimentary communication?

As usual, always lots to consider.

To paraphrase Gandhi on the way out for a bit, let's remember that each of us CAN "be the change we wish to see."

Thanks friends!

TWYS (talk/type with ya soon)

Be well. In joy.

Wednesday, May 9, 2012

Sometimes people send in commentary. This defense is one of the best I've read. Starts out pretty reputable...then there's the end of the 2nd page and things start getting a lot more interesting. (I did not write this ticket, but I sorta wish I had...)

Here's the transcript (*I censored location and identity information with XXXXXX):

                                                      July 2, 2011

Defense of Charge of Parking in Handicapped Zone, $200.00. First Offense Charged.

Honorable Court:
Municipal Court, XXXXXXX County Government,
XXcourt addressXX
XXcourt phone numberXX

As related in my correspondence dated July 1, 2011, I plead not guilty and am responding in writing to the charge. A form should be sent to each defendant so they can defend themselves without having to appear in court. Please advise who the Judge is and provide the name of officer 2456.

This response is in regard ticket number XXXXXX, vehicle bearing Tag No. XXXXXX, Volvo S-60  Date 6-29-11 7:20AM office No. 2456, Location XXXXXX Hospital, at the Emergency Room parking lot.

     The emergency room at XXXXXX Hospital refused to examine my feet or give treatment for my feet when I requested. I have had an MRI recently which showed that I have a metal disk, screws and rods in my back which causes pain and [page 2] limits my ability to exercise and stretch. I have a second lower back injury at L-5. These injuries are part of what I claim as being disabled and I am awaiting two surgeries by physicians in XXXXXX. Presently, my blood sugar level and blood pressure level are problems and they are being monitored regularly. I've recently had blood test and urine test which show several of the factors that are not satisfactory. Since my physical condition is not satisfactory, I'm not yet able to have surgery.
     The XXXXXX State Patrol has been contacted by me and I've completed the portion of the application required for a Temporary Disabled Persons Permit (Placard). I anticipate that a physician at XXXXXX Neuro Surgical Group would sign the application; and a specific surgeon has been selected to do the surgery and I'll keep his name confidential unless he later wishes his name released.
     Appearing in Court would slow down my attempting to heal and strengthen my body and it would delay my plans to play the PGA & European Golf Tours. Also, I plan to run for a US Senate Seat, representing the State of Florida. Having to [page 3] walk on concrete and other surfaces to the Court House would further injure my feet and affect my overall wellbeing. I have a heel spur in each foot and had previous surgery on my left heel. Also, I have my right foot has an injured big toe and several of my other toes cause pain. I inherited poor arches, resulting in a need to have special shoes which are in the process of being designed. Even bending over to write this defense causes back pain.
     Appearing in court would slow me down in meeting single ladies and having a social life. The daughter of the King of Spain has shown interest in me and I want to get acquainted with her. Two XXXXXX licensed NMT's plan to examine me after the physicians complete surgery and I recover in the hospital and I might need to be admitted by the physicians to XXXXXX Hospital.
     The four police and or security personell [sic] were in error in citing me a parking violation in a Handicapped Zone and barring me from using the facilities at XXXXXX Hospital, including the cafeteria for two (2) years from the date of June 29, 2011. The officers are the guilty party.
     My defense is more than sufficient in writing and it would be criminal to require me to appear [page 4] before a Judge at the Municipal Court.

May Each Officer Repent and Realize that Every Knee Shall Bow & Every Tongue Confess that Jesus Christ is Lord!

May God Bless the Judge, 
     If we are presumed innocent, no one should have to pay postage for any charge -- your acting British.
     I'll accept as penalty for all this trash the cops put me thru -- invite me to Dinner & let me meet some single lady cops* -- before surgery. The alternative is to sue.
Aug. 9, 2011

*that was my offer but this is my 3rd attempt to respond & i've lost my patience.

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Cache up

i've had these two notes for a bit. gotta get em on here and be free of em. i find em funny, though i do empathize with the writers. i just don't have control over all aspects of the meter, so it's a judgement call - if i don't know your car, you're safe, i'll take your word for it. and, of course, if i know the car from great parking (there are some! (i smile typing that)), i'll certainly trust (and not write you a ticket). dunno if that's true for the other officers (we're officers), keep that in mind. circa Jan/Feb 2012.

Yesterday: Awesome Day

Mar. 19, 2012. This really helps make the job enjoyable. I adore this.
This don't hurt either :) this is one of my favorite things yet. Kudos. Mar. 19, 2012.

Hall of Shame Archive

maybe i'm an asshole. (meter attendant/ticket writer!) - (sometimes, it's just SO tedious (i'll spare you the extra Os - see, i am tired. ;jaded, (tired.).

it has become necessary to have a Hall of Shame archive. (and i can't even get everything that ticks me off on here!) HA!

start with a story.

story (true story): a middle-aged man parked his van on the grass strip between the sidewalk and the street (on the curb) *(the first guy i saw do this was older - i've worked here 21 months - two people have pulled this shit, and they both battled it out with me verbally - the second guy - the van guy (the first, older guy had a white pick-up truck - of course - pretty sure there's a confederate flag and a jesus fish on the truck... [takes an asshole to know one?!! - well, we're definitely different kinds of assholes, a little - i think confederate flags, and jesus fish are lame, most of the time. i can dig the occasional jesus fish, but mostly, i don't usually like the people who have them on their cars...

you following? the gist is this: both of these sidewalkgrass parking stinkbags (lol - i'm really trying to grump it up) - these poo-ponys; these slimesuckers, rot-breathers, etc... BOTH battled it out with me, like they should be able to park there - the first, confederate lavaeater said it was private property (i had to check with a lawyer and get back to him - "infringement of public right of way" (all i could say before checking was "this doesn't look right to me." (lol.)

and the second guy was way more annoying - he was mocking me - literally repeating what i said, except in a really annoying whiny voice, and as he sped off (seriously!) his bratty niece (they were working on opening up a shop) sassed me: "you don't have to act like it's the end of the world!" - i was pissed, honestly, cause i never even thought it was EVEN CLOSE to the end of the world. so i said to her: "i know it's not the end of the world - that's why i came to tell you to move the car." (i'm not bragging about the retort - it's just obvious...i think).

this second incident did get me to thinking though (when stuff like this happens, as detached as i feel about the necessity of holding on to the job, or getting really serious/bent out of shape about conflicts, when conflicts do occur (especially heated ones, like these and a few other kinds), my heart really does get to racing, and it's disruptive of a certain level of peace i tend to exist in - so this gets me to thinking about habits of anger - we can easily succumb to this, in many different ways ("Presidency," "Campaigning" ?!?!?!?!?! !!!! OIL??!!!! GREEN ENERGY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)  

it is up to us to be honest with our loved ones. but we must first be honest with ourselves/ "God." - meditate. be-alive in your Love (joy)! - 
"You cannot EARN the Grace." -Martin Luther (paraphrase)
"BE the change you wish to see." - Gandhi (paraphrase)

anger is poison.

Love boldly.

i guess this explains the Hall of Shame, actually - I (capital) must state honestly that certain things offend me. I needen't punish. My responsibility is to heal the pain - to take it lightly, to coax humor into the scene.


Feb. 13, 2012. yuck.

4.27.2012. I'm ASSUMING this is more about no-love-for than fetishism.

Saturday, March 17, 2012

Let the Music Make "Me" // ("double wiggly fence")

oh wow
how much space
will it take
it to make it,

this is the unfolding of a post i've "owed" - you see,
there's something i mean to make.
job loss be damned,
i aim to come clean
no " (say "quote")
. ("dot")
stop on it.

what i've meant to tell you
has taken millennia:

the red-dotted line disappears though,

what's hidden is My massage.
(pun intended,
but You don't get it, with a capital
"quote unquote"
descended (eye)

the silence,

remind me that i^
"job loss be damned,"
heard the mEssage I made earlier:

the Subjective's effort
to comply; to adhere
entertain, be clear, and intriguing -
a tad bit of mystery
while Saying,

the only way i can is through "Myself"
referred to earlier:

for Me,
a stoned prayer during Yog(a)nanda
et cetera,
and referral
to Me
and Weed (marihuana)

In 2004, the United Nations estimated that global consumption of cannabis indicated that approximately 4.0 percent of the adult world population (162 million people) used cannabis annually, and that approximately 0.6 percent (22.5 million) of people used cannabis daily.[7]

font of affiliaton,
i mustn't discredit 


these are things i've thought, parking job-related:

1. those purple mesh shorts are so tight against that dude's body i can see his tightie-whitey'd asscurve through the holes his girth spreads..

2. man, all these peeps should talk with their passengers (adolescents, usually), instead of letting them listen to whatever in those earbuds (headphones) - though i once saw this girl fuckin jamming out in the car with her mom. this girl was dancin up a storm in that seat and the mom was all just like "do de do do..i'm fuckin drivin'." :)




     March 13-17, 2012: 
"Famous" actors are filming a movie in town. It's a huge endeavor, requiring several streets be shut down, many hours of police office rental, and much equipment. I find the miles of these cables strung across town to be pretty interesting and profound. *you should see the crowds that gather hoping for a look at -something-. :)

Cats Make SOME Things Better (Archive)

Graffiti/Pee alcove. Photographed March, 15 2012.

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

"I gotta pee pee"

January 30, 2012. There was no time on the meter, but I let this one slide because it made me laugh... and I believed it was true.

Hall of Shame

I've seen this open Bible on the dashboard of this car several times, and often the car is in a state of malparkage (tip of the hat to The Simpsons - my favorite show). The book is positioned so I can read it easily, but I never know which verse is the one I'm supposed to heed! Is it Psalm 51? Here's verse 1: "Have mercy on me, O God, according to Your steadfast love: according to the multitude of Your tender mercy and loving-kindness blot out my transgressions." Hmmm... I can see an angle there. But it could be Psalm 52! (Verse 1: "Why boast you of mischief done against the loving-kindness of God [and the godly], O mighty [sinful] man, day after day?") It's like someones are TRYING to confuse me..

I don't care if your NAME is Kmart, this is just dumb.

Laws are offensive.

Proof that there really is a Garfield.

The ubiquitous "tumbleweave." The elastic band makes this a rarer specimen.

Just put your lips on the body like this... (the "news" is offensive, too). *i was only inside for a minute, boss.

Weird (Awesome) Stickers

Whosever car this is is can be my friend. I love it so much I can't even choose a favorite scene.

Driver's side backseat window. (Jan 19, 2012)

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

"The Worst Comic Ever"

While I will not claim to -like- parking meters, I can admit that there is something compelling about them - perhaps it's their status as one of urbanity's most loathed inanimate objects, or perchance it is their precocious behavior, maybe even it could be their mischievous sense of humor (so many shockingly-interrupted pedestrians!)... or might it just be how closely they, in their dutiful glamourlessness, remind me of so many people I love - just a bit too sincere to excite the masses, and mostly too modest to object.. Whatever it is, and for one reason or another, I've developed a soft spot for them - so much so that they've begun to appear anthropomorphized in my sappy comix. Consider for example "The Worst Comic Ever," drawn, by me, on January 6, 2012:

terrible. ( :

Cool/Interesting Car-chive (It's an Archive)

December 29, 2011

The sunny day makes this extra great. December 31, 2011.