Wednesday, May 9, 2012

Sometimes people send in commentary. This defense is one of the best I've read. Starts out pretty reputable...then there's the end of the 2nd page and things start getting a lot more interesting. (I did not write this ticket, but I sorta wish I had...)

Here's the transcript (*I censored location and identity information with XXXXXX):

                                                      July 2, 2011

Defense of Charge of Parking in Handicapped Zone, $200.00. First Offense Charged.

Honorable Court:
Municipal Court, XXXXXXX County Government,
XXcourt addressXX
XXcourt phone numberXX

As related in my correspondence dated July 1, 2011, I plead not guilty and am responding in writing to the charge. A form should be sent to each defendant so they can defend themselves without having to appear in court. Please advise who the Judge is and provide the name of officer 2456.

This response is in regard ticket number XXXXXX, vehicle bearing Tag No. XXXXXX, Volvo S-60  Date 6-29-11 7:20AM office No. 2456, Location XXXXXX Hospital, at the Emergency Room parking lot.

     The emergency room at XXXXXX Hospital refused to examine my feet or give treatment for my feet when I requested. I have had an MRI recently which showed that I have a metal disk, screws and rods in my back which causes pain and [page 2] limits my ability to exercise and stretch. I have a second lower back injury at L-5. These injuries are part of what I claim as being disabled and I am awaiting two surgeries by physicians in XXXXXX. Presently, my blood sugar level and blood pressure level are problems and they are being monitored regularly. I've recently had blood test and urine test which show several of the factors that are not satisfactory. Since my physical condition is not satisfactory, I'm not yet able to have surgery.
     The XXXXXX State Patrol has been contacted by me and I've completed the portion of the application required for a Temporary Disabled Persons Permit (Placard). I anticipate that a physician at XXXXXX Neuro Surgical Group would sign the application; and a specific surgeon has been selected to do the surgery and I'll keep his name confidential unless he later wishes his name released.
     Appearing in Court would slow down my attempting to heal and strengthen my body and it would delay my plans to play the PGA & European Golf Tours. Also, I plan to run for a US Senate Seat, representing the State of Florida. Having to [page 3] walk on concrete and other surfaces to the Court House would further injure my feet and affect my overall wellbeing. I have a heel spur in each foot and had previous surgery on my left heel. Also, I have my right foot has an injured big toe and several of my other toes cause pain. I inherited poor arches, resulting in a need to have special shoes which are in the process of being designed. Even bending over to write this defense causes back pain.
     Appearing in court would slow me down in meeting single ladies and having a social life. The daughter of the King of Spain has shown interest in me and I want to get acquainted with her. Two XXXXXX licensed NMT's plan to examine me after the physicians complete surgery and I recover in the hospital and I might need to be admitted by the physicians to XXXXXX Hospital.
     The four police and or security personell [sic] were in error in citing me a parking violation in a Handicapped Zone and barring me from using the facilities at XXXXXX Hospital, including the cafeteria for two (2) years from the date of June 29, 2011. The officers are the guilty party.
     My defense is more than sufficient in writing and it would be criminal to require me to appear [page 4] before a Judge at the Municipal Court.

May Each Officer Repent and Realize that Every Knee Shall Bow & Every Tongue Confess that Jesus Christ is Lord!

May God Bless the Judge, 
     If we are presumed innocent, no one should have to pay postage for any charge -- your acting British.
     I'll accept as penalty for all this trash the cops put me thru -- invite me to Dinner & let me meet some single lady cops* -- before surgery. The alternative is to sue.
Aug. 9, 2011

*that was my offer but this is my 3rd attempt to respond & i've lost my patience.