Saturday, September 24, 2011

Busy Week: Fun

Why not just stay home/I didn't expect to see you here! 
Lame van, right rear window. Calvin pissing on Calvin. Classic.
Lame van, left rear window. Just die already.
The extra O is for U.
Aw, shucks!
Aw, shucks!!
Double dog disaster.
Nom nom nom.
Kitty litter.
Loading zone.
Careful what you wish for.
Rad magnet.

Busy Week: The Bees

This is funny to me. I'm only 50/50 on the title "That's Beeureaucracy For Ya" though. Enjoy!

"What should we do about these bees swarming the trash can?"

Better call for backup.

An elegant and practical solution. day later:

Taken by bees?

Busy Week: The Letters

Well, lots of things happened this week, many of them quite exciting too, and still it's taken me until now to get them recorded. Geez this is a hard job!

Round One, more found items: The Letters! Two (presumably) great letters: one from prison (which I decided not to read until transcribing it), and another (on Hello Kitty stationary) from someone with big plans (and secrets). There is also a note, written on a receipt, which appears to've been exchanged between at least two people.

There's a bit of pain in these notes, which made me hesitate for a few moments before deciding how much of their content to include in this blog - I've decided to censor as little as possible (privacy only, i hope!) in attempt to approach this as much like an ethnographic report as possible (though I will continue to interpret/editorialize my findings to a certain degree, for selfish, but not entirely selfish, reasons)...  See that's part of what interests me about this - we're all part of one organism, alive, Milky Way-based (and beyond); and in some ways, hard times find our species calling on surprising reserves of hope in order to move through hard times. We need the light to survive: I think evidence of that appears in each of these finds.




(click images to enlarge)

Though it's pretty hard to follow and written in many directions (changes in text orientation signaled by //), I think this note reads as follows (all content (attempted) [sic]):

"K--, I dont take your kindness for any weak Ave. I just know you and I are for real about love for one Another. No body business about you and me but you and me. How you like me is your Affair. I'm about to fall asleep I love you and I can be the man to take care of you and your kids, you keesha so cle be just piss me off for not takeng charge of my life, I dodge dodge you simply because i'm afraid of Responsibily such as live in with the woman I love. I have gotten Away from women A long time and hopefully I Keep getting way so I can run the street all over Amera//Philadelphia, Washington DC New Jersy, North Carolina and many more states//I am should by my family and cant shake it. My family want what you want in me to be better//I actually hurt my mother sister brotha niese aunt and friends//Im happy with you not chestizecny me you should he^ peck me//you Dont want A low life bumb like me. I will cramp your lovely style.   pb ng//keep in [messag me around I can continue to be A free men.//many caucasiun million Airs dont know Im on drugs"




This one's from someone in a prison approximately 250 miles away from the town the addressee and i live in; the letter's postmarked in a town 80 miles farther away from us than that, in the year 2007. I found the folded-up envelope with letter inside in a bus lane this week. Go figure..

*I've removed the addresses, names, phone numbers, and the bold red print which identify people and locations. The fine red print reads: "The enclosed letter was processed through special mailing procedures for forwarding to you. The letter has been neither opened nor inspected. If the writer raises a question or problem over which this facility/center has jurisdiction, you may wish to return the material for further information or clarification. If the writer encloses correspondence for forwarding to another addressee, please return the enclosure to the same address."

(The letter also attempted [sic] - appearances of {^} are my notation indicating superscript; I've also used different sized fonts in attempt to mimic the author's pen):

What it do Bra? My nigga I got your letter and picture's, man your lil nigga is big as hell. You know I got my letter on G {^}✡ day and I was dink. {^}☺ Bra I'm glad to see you doing well out there, man that car you got is hard as hell to. Look lil Bra to be real ya you have left a nigga out bad, see I no those other nigga are going to shit on me but do you thank I would have left you fuck in here hell no why? because I no if your fuck {^}up I'm fuck-up but if I'm straight you'll never be fuck-up and that's on 'April' . Man you no the majority of nigga in here are only geting help from Mom or Brothers. that's why that lady April can have my last breath out my lungs, and guess what you and Aaron can to. Nigga as bad as I hate this prison shit I'll do my last day's in this motherfucker for you and if I living may I never come home. Look {^}my nigga what ever you do for a nigga cool, but keep it G don't sell me no dream. I'm closeing my letter but never my 'Heart'
                                                                                        Big Bra"



I really think each section of this note was written by a different person. This is what it says:

"I was wRong
I'm soRRy

"Those are words you're
not used to saying but
if you're willing to say
them often, they your marriage
can withstand the test
of time.


Remember all the work that
went into today, if you can
put that amount of effort
into your marriage everyday"

Clearly it's relationship counseling! Judging by the "How Do You Know" on the flip side, and the fact that the note is on a receipt, maybe the session didn't go very well? It doesn't seem like any counseling was actually given either, unless the couple kept the page that finishes the sentence regarding what will happen if you put the amount of effort from "today" into "everyday." I'm on the edge of my seat, but I guess that's all I get for free..

Saturday, September 17, 2011


As with the "Overheard" post, this will become an archive - this time of heckles i've been recipient party to.

*Best heckle yet: "I hate your job, but you're chill." [9.17.2011 - stated at a conversational volume by an early-twentiesish fraternityish dude leaning out of a taxicab window. I had my back to traffic as i was writing up a vehicle, and as i turned to say thanks and laugh the cab was driving off, and the dude, whose giant grin made me suspect him of intoxication, was giggling giddily, and sincerely. Drunk. And awesome.] BEST HECKLE YET. Thanks, dude!

-"Get a real job." [I've actually heard this one twice from the same guy. He's looks like a rich jerky kid cum college student with his clean hair in his grey Infinity (doucheiest colour, btw - j/k). He says it with immense disdain, and the first time he said it he almost got creamed in the intersection where he was turning left on red as he heckled. And he still went for it again...while making another left. Hmmmm...coincidence? It's]

-"I fucking hate you motherfuckerrrr." [Another fratty dude, in yet another grey Infinity (not the same guy as above (can you believe it?!)). I know this because this guy dragged it out like it was tons of fun. That, and he looks different than the other guy. It was in the same intersection as "real job" heckle #2 though! ...Do de do do.]

-"You writing a ticket?! That's petty." [This was a tiring conversation started by an older gentleman stopped in traffic quite a bit away from where i was doing my sneaky duties. He repeatedly insisted that i was engaged in "petty" activity, and that i should reconsider. I responded by asking if some day, when he might want to park his blue Trailblazer somewhere in the area, would he still think it's so petty if instead of being able to do that in convenient proximity to his desired destination, he had to live inside of his car forever. He responded by saying that he "won't need to." Fair enough then.]

-"Oh, man, have a heart." / "Oh, man, give 'em a break." [These are the most common requests. "Have a heart" is usually offered by Dads out on the town with the kid(s); "Give 'em a break" is generally the petition of the homeless, given on behalf of their neighbors unknown, usually as a parting statement, which goes to show that these phrases aren't Heckles (capital H) in every circumstance; but i assure you, sometimes they are. My responses vary, but my favorite, when i'm feeling antagonized and sassy, is a simple "Nope, i won't do it" - especially satisfying when "have a heart" is the urging.]

Friday, September 16, 2011

Public Service Announcement

If you are turning on your "flashers" (hazard lights) in an attempt to explain your parking: stop, reconsider. This act should be evidence enough that you are in the process of making a bad decision. There is a better option for you very close at hand, i promise (at least check around the nearest corner - you'll be pleasantly surprised at how much money you save (make?) for just that little bit of extra effort).

Thursday, September 8, 2011

Overheard (Perhaps Incorrectly) Archive

I overhear a lot of things on the street. This post will become an archive of some of my favorites. *I make no guarantee that I am correctly representing what was ACTUALLY said, though I do promise not to take any conscious creative liberties in the reproduction of these conversational snippets - what is printed is what i heard, accurate or not.

*I am hesitant to describe these people by skin color/phenotypic variation, but i do so anyway because i want to portray a scene, and frankly, i don't know these assholes.
But before I get carried away, i must also mention the following, as an effort for peace:

-"Genetic and fossil evidence is interpreted to show that archaic Homo sapiens evolved to anatomically modern humans solely in Africa, between 200,000 and 150,000 years ago..." []

- "We will continue to despise people until we have recognized, loved and accepted what is despicable in ourselves." - Martin Luther King Jr.

The truth is, my heartmind tells me that exploration/learning/growth/joy (best wishes!) requires a context: Community and variation are real phenomena, and through time behaviors are reinforced and+or redesigned; Let us be mindful of our neighbors, and love them more than we're able (pretty please).


Thank You for thinking.


Now, without further ado, here are the quotes:


- "I see you got chiggers at your grandmother's."  [9/8/11 - said to a young caucasian male college student by an older caucasoid woman who was with an older cauc. male. the conversants seemed to know each other (and lord, i hope so). the other part of what i heard was the older woman continuing the conversation in this way: "...oh yeah, Jim, he was covered with bites." good stuff.]

-"We had just taken some fun nuggets out of the oven." [9/19/11. Two middle-aged, large caucasian women on the way to somewhere, from somewhere (probably lunch). I looked up "fun nuggets" during my lunch break - they're "chicken" (probably so, admittedly) nuggets, in fun shapes (like dinosaurs). I like this one because ANYTHING said after "we had just taken some fun nuggets out of the oven" is going to be hilarious. ANYTHING! Try it yourself!]