Friday, August 26, 2011


I've been thinking about this blog for a little while now - since a pleasant Saturday morning in early June of 2011, to be exact. To be even more exact, since the moment a half-eaten cheeseburger resting on a windowsill, clearly forgotten or discarded in the excitement of the previous evening, cheered me out of the working-early-on-a-Saturday blues.

(Above is a photo i took of the cheeseburger. It most likely belonged to one of a small percentage of college students remaining in town for the summer, as it was left on the sill of a notoriously student-only apartment building.)

Let me explain: you see, i pay my modest rent by walking around (in a very specific (and often predictable) way) amongst the hybrids, gas guzzlers, mopeds, delivery trucks, etc.. of university students, shoppers, shopkeepers, waiters, architects, tattoo artists, construction workers, liquor deliverers, real estate tycoons, and city officials in the small-to-medium-sized town where i live, checking to see that each (most) have paid the bureaucratically agreed-upon rent to park their vehicles, and that they have parked them properly, on a piece of "public" space designated for such purpose. In the event of negligence regarding these agreements, it falls to me to remind the drivers of offending vehicles of which breach in the aforementioned social contract applies to the parking instance observed, by way of legal notice (of monetary reprimand). In some cases it is also my assigned task to record (with crappy camera in addition to my hands) infractions of a far more costly set, such as vehicle blocking access to fire hydrant, vehicle parked in commercial loading zone, or vehicle parked in handicapped spot without appropriate symbolic permission, etc... The reasons for these bold and risky choices are myriad, and in time, i will share some of my favorites with you. Often, however, coffee is involved.

I'm in the Eastern Time Zone, USA, and i believe that this public accountability is necessary. I also approve of the responsible use of some currently illegal substances.

Fast forward almost three months to today, August 26, 2011 (see timestamp for confirmation): while performing my employee duties (further personal reflection on the depth (karmic, civic, and otherwise) of these duties in coming posts), i noticed a tattered notecard with some handwriting and a large red mark on it in a lightly-trafficked intersection. Always a sucker for a handwritten note (and with the bonus red strike getting me more excited), i retrieved and perused the lost reminder. I generally, albeit barely, expect to see some kind of scientific or mathematical formula on something of this shape, but this time i was startled to find that the card contained two bawdy jokes at the expense of lesbians. Quite a surprise! Neither were terribly amusing, but in light of this new information, the bold red slash became hilarious to me, as if someone had thought: "...not this one after all."

"Madam speaker, members of the congress, i ask you - how's the best way to spot a butch?"

(The general consensus is that the slashed joke is funnier.) Perhaps the slash indicates "already used."

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